Pleasure is associated with reward while pain is associated with punishment. It is a fact that pain and pleasure stimulate the same chemicals and hormones in the human brain. Beyond sex, the act of loving requires a willingness to experience both pain and pleasure. I believe pain has such bad PR. Many times, in reality, pain helps us embrace pleasure. Ever wondered why a cold beer tastes so much better after a long day? Or why spanking feels good when you’re sexually aroused or when it’s done by a lover?

Important to Note About Erotic Pain:

In any sexual engagement, unless the involved is/are specifically interested in exploring and/or experiencing pain as a part of the intercourse, sex should not be painful for anyone. Always ask for consent and have a safe word. When the safe word is mentioned, the act(s) must come to an instantaneous end.

While I was doing research on this piece, I came across Tina Horn’s Why Are People Into Masochism. At the beginning of that article, she shared a very hilarious joke and it does a perfect job, summing up all this article is about.

Enjoy!

The above scenario fully embodies the saying: “pain is a uniquely human indulgence.” Erotic pain cannot be likened to accidental pain, as the difference between both is consent. A person who enjoys afflicting erotic pain on others is called a sadist while a person who enjoys receiving erotic pain is called a masochist.

However, if you’re wondering how the mind is able to tell the difference, it’s mostly because when the body has experienced both, the feelings were different. Accidental pain leaves you in pain, literally. Erotic pain on the other hand leaves you feeling rapturous. For many who indulge in the act of sadomasochism, it brings them some kind of peace; escape from real life if you will. In this tent, we do not yuck anyone’s yum, as one man’s meat is another’s poison. 

Key Takeaway

• Pain and pleasure activate the same chemicals and hormones in the human brain
• Pain isn’t always pain, as it allows us to appreciate pleasurable moments more. 
• The difference between accidental and erotic pain is consent. 
• Yes, some people enjoy inflicting pain on others, sadists. Others enjoy receiving pain, masochists. 
• Never yuck anyone’s yum. Find your tribe.

Whore D’oeuvre is a sex-positive community. If any of our articles on here appeal to you, there’s more. Let’s connect us on Instagram & Medium

The post Spank Me Daddy -  A Postulation On How Pain Is Pleasure appeared first on Rededit Magazine.

Whenever I tell people I’m a sex educator, more often than not, they light up & ask: “ so you teach people how to fuck?” I, on the contrary, reply with an awkward smile on my face: “er, not exactly?” Almost immediately, I see that face go from light up to different phases of confusion, with the question: “so what do you do?” I answer; “teach people about sex.” Well, as you can imagine, that leaves them even more confused as I’m sure you are right now. So, let’s talk about sex!

Talking about sex more and openly helps relationships to be more fun & satisfying. In many people’s reality, it’s not as easy to just talk about sex, openly or otherwise because of our hush culture.
Here’s a tip: It can be hard to talk to partner(s) about sex, especially if you have never had that conversation. Be as straightforward, confident, and honest as you can be. And watch the heavens open in Beyoncé’s voice.

Sounds easy right? Yeah, but only in theory for many. The real-life situation is far from this, let’s fix that, shall we! The truth is being sexually liberated doesn’t happen overnight, it takes conscious efforts and practice to hack. I’ll highlight a few ways to make this a walk in the park for you and yours.

Let’s start with ‘The How?’

To eradicate the awkwardness, consider speaking empathically and compassionately. In a new relationship, it’s safest to be open about your sexual desires from the get-go. This creates a comfortable and safe space to open up to one another. That way, talking about your interests, desires & fantasies is easy.

However, it can be more challenging in a long(term) relationship. Especially ones where the talk is barely ever had or when exploring new territories like kinks or fantasies. The key is to be as empathetic as possible, regardless of how well versed you are or get at it. It’s important to remember that your partner(s) may not find it as easy. To this end, I implore you to give your partner(s) grace to or hold space for them while they try to find and/or explore their sexuality. Or while y’all are working on the dynamics of your relationship.

Whatever the status of the relationship, when bringing up your sexual needs with partner(s). You want them to listen, not to pull back or counterattack. So instead of focusing on what wasn’t done, communicate what you want. For context, tell your partner(s) about how playing with your balls heightens sexual pleasure and can get you to climax faster. Instead of saying they didn’t explore your body enough to get you to climax. Focus the conversation forward instead of dwelling on what didn’t work in the past.

Now that we know how to get started, let’s move to ‘The When?’ 

The timing for talking about sex is very important, so handle it as such. The talk is definitely not happening when you’re pissed. No negative feedback immediately after sex. Do not bring it up when your friends are around (yeah yeah roll your eyes all you want, I said what I said). 

The lube to a seamlessly working relationship is communication, among other factors. When it comes to sex talk, you need to lube (read: talk) things through. A sure way to do that is to make it a date. Life keeps happening so just like you schedule meetings, mark your calendars for the occasion and talk things forward. Depending on your comfort level, this date can be planned in several ways. 

Here are some tips: 

Make it fun: Because you picked a day and time to talk about your sex life doesn’t equate to boring. So, make it worth your while by incorporating some games, feeling free to talk, meeting up in exciting spots, etc.

Pre-planned activities: It’s not uncommon to feel shy or nervous when about the talk. A way to ease tension can be to let each other know beforehand, the talking points. Another way may be to have this conversation through games ( card games, sex checklist, etc.) Make a hot date out of reading the questions and your answers out loud to each other. You’re guaranteed fun and giggles while learning lots about both yourself and each other!

Summarily, when it comes to talking about sex, it is best to communicate honestly, empathically, and compassionately. Not only will this refresh your relationship. It allows for understanding and making your connection a free and safe space to thrive. A win-win!

Go on and have you a smooth sailing relationship.

If this piece was of any help, leave a comment and share it with your loved ones.

RELATED: There’s More to Sexual Health Than STI Prevention

The post Let’s Talk About Talking About Sex appeared first on Rededit Magazine.

An immeasurable aspect of our health can be affected by our sexual health. According to the American Sexual Health Association sexual health is “the ability to embrace and enjoy our sexuality throughout our lives. ” This shows that sexual health is a valuable part of life.

World over, sex, sexuality and conversations around sexual health is still a taboo subject in many cultures. However, for us to thrive as humans, our sexual wellbeing is just as important as physical, mental, emotional, and social wellbeing. In addition, love, affection, and sexual intimacy contribute to healthy relationships and individual well-being.

Below are ways that can help navigate what being sexually healthy means:

• Being able to enjoy a healthier body, satisfying sexual life, positive relationships, and peace of mind.
• Understanding that sexuality is a natural part of life and involves more than sexual behavior.
• Recognizing and respecting the sexual rights we all share.
• Having access to sexual health information, education, and care.
• Making an effort to prevent unintended pregnancies and STIs.
• Seeking care and treatment when needed.
• Being able to experience sexual pleasure, satisfaction, and intimacy when desired.
• Being able to communicate about sexual health with others including sexual partners and healthcare providers.

Towards Better Sexual Health

We have come to terms with the fact that sexuality is an integral part of being human. But along with the positive aspects of our human sexuality, there also are illnesses, mixed emotions and unintended consequences that can affect our sexual health. An open discussion of sexuality issues is important to promoting sexual health and responsibility. Below are action steps to ensuring better sexual wellness;

Value yourself and decide what’s right for you: While sex is a natural part of life, the decision of if and when you have sex is solely yours. It is important that the decision aligns with what you want in life, including personal goals, desires, and boundaries. All of which may change depending on your stage in life, being fully aware of your desires, and true to yourself will help you navigate the different stages.

Know your body and protect it: Understand your own body and its functions. Don’t be afraid to explore ways you can express yourself sexually. Always, practice safe sex to protect against STIs/STDs and unintended pregnancies.

Build positive relationships: Having open and honest conversations about your relationship, desires, and sexual health will help you and your partner(s) build respect for one another, as well as make decisions together. Discuss any health problems openly and you should feel comfortable seeking medical care if need be. If you find yourself with violent partner(s) or who pressure you into things you aren’t comfortable with, seek help from your healthcare provider or a community organization right away.

Treat your partners well and expect them to treat you well: Be with someone or people who make you feel good about yourself, as well as comfortable and safe. Any boundaries should be respected, and no one should feel pressured or forced into doing something they aren’t comfortable with.

Adopt sexual healthcare routine: Start with a provider who is respectful and makes you feel comfortable, as it will allow you to feel more at ease having otherwise difficult conversations. You should be able to discuss any questions or concerns you may have regarding your sexual health, including performance and function.

We are a sex positive community. If any of our articles on here appeal to you, there’s more. Let’s connect us on Instagram & Medium

_{Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article intend to inform and induce conversation. They are the views of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of Red Edit Magazine, and are for informational purposes only, even if and to the extent that this article features the advice of physicians and medical practitioners. This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice.}

The post There’s More to Sexual Health Than STI Prevention appeared first on Rededit Magazine.