My first time learning about asexuality was as a teenager. At that time, all that stuck was asexuality equals hating sex. Imagine my surprise when I found this not to be totally true. Honestly, ‘mo fo!’* What is true however is that asexuality is a sexual orientation, and a spectrum with a lot of range.

More often than not, asexuality has been defined as the lack of sexual attraction. This careless definition further allows for the misconception of asexuals or aces. In reality, asexuals or aces can be anywhere on the spectrum, ranging from not wanting anything to do with sex to having romantic partners, sexual partners, and even children. The spectrum of asexuality contains much diversity in people’s experiences of attraction, arousal, and desires for relationships, as new discoveries are uncovered as time goes by. Hence, achieving a consensual definition may be a mirage. 

Asexuality, Celibacy, And Sexual Disorders. 

We have already established that these terms aren’t synonymous. With celibacy, not having sex on whatever grounds is a choice that people choose based on certain information or lack thereof. This doesn’t mean that you’re not sexually attracted to people, you just chose to cover your genitalia with The Blood of Jesus & that is valid. 

On the other hand, not having sex due to a disorder isn’t exactly a choice, it’s a problem that needs treatment. 

The population of people on earth is in billions, we can’t all experience life in the same ways. It is absurd that the world assumes that everyone feels a sexual attraction. 

What Then Is Asexuality? 

USA TODAY spoke with Catherine Esperanza, an asexual and doctoral student in school psychology. I find her definition of asexuality to be apt. She says:

How Do I Check To Know If I Am? 

• Do you find other people sexy — in a way that makes you feel sexual desire or arousal, or a way that makes you think sex or sexual touching with that person would be satisfying (regardless of whether you’d actually do it)? If you don’t feel this with anyone, you may be asexual.
• Do you develop sexual attraction every once in a while, but don’t find its pursuit or satisfaction intrinsically rewarding? Some people would call that asexual.
• Do you think having sex (or the idea of having sex) is okay, but not very interesting or important? Could you take it or leave it, and find leaving it more convenient or preferable? Some people would call that asexual.
• Do you feel sexual attraction sometimes, but only rarely? You may be on the asexual spectrum.
• Do you sometimes develop sexual attraction when you’ve already developed other important connections with someone, but never feel sexually attracted to strangers, celebrities, or mere acquaintances? You may be on the asexual spectrum.

– Source: www.time.com

Asexuality is a very broad subject. This is one part of the conversation. Stay tuned for the next part. Remember to share your thoughts with me in the comments. Also, share this piece with your loved ones.

_{The views expressed in this article intend to inform and induce conversation. They are the views of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of Red Edit Magazine. They are for informational purposes only, even if and to the extent that this article features the advice of physicians and medical practitioners. This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It should never be relied upon for specific medical advice.}

We are a sex-positive community. If any of our articles on here appeal to you, there’s more. Let’s connect us on Instagram & Medium

The post Asexuality Is Neither Celibacy Nor A Sexual Disorder. appeared first on Rededit Magazine.

When I got the inspiration to write this piece, my intention was to write about how men see this as an opportunity to be even more perverted. However, I changed my mind and decided to focus on the hydra-headed monster, Breast Cancer. Before I delve fully into Breast Cancer Awareness, ‘Dear men, what women do or not with their bodies is none of your business.’

Moving on, it is no news that one of the most orgasmic feelings in the world for many women is taking off their bras (and wigs) once they get home. Imagine the great joy when a whole day is dedicated to wearing no bras. Not only is it a pleasurable act for parties concerned, but it is also in solidarity with people who are battling with or have survived the monster. It is a “hey sister, I see you, I may not totally understand your struggles, but I am rooting for you” moment and we are happy to champion the cause. 

The bra has a long history as an important piece in a woman’s wardrobe. In reality though, of what value is this fashion accessory? Personally, I am a team no bra. In the last two years, I have worn them just a couple of times as I go on with my day. However, the number of stares I get from people as a result of not wearing a bra is ridiculous, but I do not care. 

In my search, I found that although the research on whether or not bras are breast cancer-causing is inconclusive, there are several reasons to go braless. Today, however, with respect to breast cancer awareness, I’ll be highlighting what breast cancer is, how to self-test and how you can play a part in creating awareness. 

What Is Breast Cancer?

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, breast cancer is a disease in which cells in the breast grow out of control. There are different kinds of breast cancer. The kind of breast cancer depends on which cells in the breast turn into cancer.

Breast cancer can begin in different parts of the breast. A breast is made up of three main parts: lobules, ducts, and connective tissue. The lobules are the glands that produce milk. The ducts are tubes that carry milk to the nipple. The connective tissue (which consists of fibrous and fatty tissue) surrounds and holds everything together. Most breast cancers begin in the ducts or lobules.

Breast cancer can spread outside the breast through blood vessels and lymph vessels. When breast cancer spreads to other parts of the body, it is said to have metastasized.

Breast Cancer Symptoms and Signs

• a lump in the breast or armpit,
• bloody nipple discharge,
• inverted nipple,
• orange-peel texture or dimpling of the breast’s skin (peau d’orange),
• breast pain or sore nipple,
• swollen lymph nodes in the neck or armpit, and
• a change in the size or shape of the breast or nipple.
• Breast cancer can also be symptom free, which makes following national screening recommendations an important practice.

Diagnosis

Breast cancer is diagnosed during a physical exam, by a self-exam of the breasts, mammography, ultrasound testing, and biopsy. Women should do a breast self-exam every month to look and feel for changes. Regular breast exams can help you maintain breast health and detect cancer early when it is easier to treat and more likely to be cured. Most lumps and abnormalities aren’t cancer, but you should still report changes to your doctor. Self-exams are important for breast health. But they should not replace exams and screening tests (such as mammograms) recommended by doctors. You should still see your primary care provider and/or gynecologist regularly.

Breast Self Examination

A breast self-exam is a step-by-step method women can use to examine their breasts. By looking at and feeling your breasts regularly, you can notice anything that seems abnormal. With each breast self-exam, you will become more familiar with your body. When you know what’s normal for you, you will be more aware when changes occur.

A breast self-exam takes only a few minutes and can easily be built into your daily schedule. You can do a breast exam when you’re:

• Dressing for the day or undressing at night.
• Lying in bed in the morning or at bedtime.
• Taking a shower.

How To Do The Breast Self-Exam

_{The views expressed in this article intend to inform and induce conversation. They are the views of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of Red Edit Magazine. They are for informational purposes only, even if and to the extent that this article features the advice of physicians and medical practitioners. This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It should never be relied upon for specific medical advice.}

We are a sex positive community. If any of our articles on here appeal to you, there’s more. Let’s connect us on Instagram & Medium

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Pleasure is associated with reward while pain is associated with punishment. It is a fact that pain and pleasure stimulate the same chemicals and hormones in the human brain. Beyond sex, the act of loving requires a willingness to experience both pain and pleasure. I believe pain has such bad PR. Many times, in reality, pain helps us embrace pleasure. Ever wondered why a cold beer tastes so much better after a long day? Or why spanking feels good when you’re sexually aroused or when it’s done by a lover?

Important to Note About Erotic Pain:

In any sexual engagement, unless the involved is/are specifically interested in exploring and/or experiencing pain as a part of the intercourse, sex should not be painful for anyone. Always ask for consent and have a safe word. When the safe word is mentioned, the act(s) must come to an instantaneous end.

While I was doing research on this piece, I came across Tina Horn’s Why Are People Into Masochism. At the beginning of that article, she shared a very hilarious joke and it does a perfect job, summing up all this article is about.

Enjoy!

The above scenario fully embodies the saying: “pain is a uniquely human indulgence.” Erotic pain cannot be likened to accidental pain, as the difference between both is consent. A person who enjoys afflicting erotic pain on others is called a sadist while a person who enjoys receiving erotic pain is called a masochist.

However, if you’re wondering how the mind is able to tell the difference, it’s mostly because when the body has experienced both, the feelings were different. Accidental pain leaves you in pain, literally. Erotic pain on the other hand leaves you feeling rapturous. For many who indulge in the act of sadomasochism, it brings them some kind of peace; escape from real life if you will. In this tent, we do not yuck anyone’s yum, as one man’s meat is another’s poison. 

Key Takeaway

• Pain and pleasure activate the same chemicals and hormones in the human brain
• Pain isn’t always pain, as it allows us to appreciate pleasurable moments more. 
• The difference between accidental and erotic pain is consent. 
• Yes, some people enjoy inflicting pain on others, sadists. Others enjoy receiving pain, masochists. 
• Never yuck anyone’s yum. Find your tribe.

Whore D’oeuvre is a sex-positive community. If any of our articles on here appeal to you, there’s more. Let’s connect us on Instagram & Medium

The post Spank Me Daddy -  A Postulation On How Pain Is Pleasure appeared first on Rededit Magazine.

In a new relationship, nervousness before, during, and after sex and/or sexual activities is not uncommon. However, when in a long-term relationship, frequently experiencing sexual anxiety is a sign that you need to talk to a professional health practitioner, say a sex therapist. Fortunately, you are not alone and there are ways to ease the pressure.

What is Sexual Anxiety? 

The term is also referred to as sexual performance anxiety and is loosely defined as a feeling of unease that comes from engaging in sex and/or sexual activities. This feeling can be subtle or otherwise and is dependent on several factors. 

Sexual Anxiety Examples

The following are real-world examples of what sexual anxiety may look like in people of different ages and life experiences.

Uche

Uche is a 20-year-old male struggling to achieve an orgasm with partners. He has no issue maintaining an erection and enjoys oral and penetrative sex. However, he finds he can never orgasm under these circumstances, and instead he always finishes through masturbation. Afterward, he experiences emotional turmoil and shame.
He begins to think of himself as inadequate and fears his partner questions his virility. After repeated and similar encounters, he finds himself no longer able to achieve an erection.

Thoughts: Uche’s difficulties with orgasm may be due to an idiosyncratic masturbatory method. This means he is habituated to orgasm through one specific method of masturbation, such that it is the only way he can climax. This is common for many people who have trained their bodies to respond only to certain stimulation patterns. His preoccupation with his performance decreases sexual arousal and increases anxiety, thus resulting in erection difficulties.

Hadiza

A 40-year old female was socialized to see sex as a vehicle primarily for men’s pleasure. She has internalized this belief. In bed, she expresses it by dismissing her desire for orgasm, never initiating sex, and focusing exclusively on the needs of her male partners. Hadiza has found herself shocked to be in a relationship with a man who wants an egalitarian bedroom and is just as eager to please her as he is himself. After he climaxes, he consistently attempts to perform oral sex on her. Although she enjoys it, she finds herself plagued with thoughts of being a burden and that he is engaging in a sort of sexual chore. Rather than discuss this, she retreats from sex altogether or hurries the encounter to reduce or flee the situation.

Thoughts: Hadiza might do well to explore how her sexual beliefs and attitudes are self-imposed and no longer serving her. She already has a partner with whom to work through her anxieties, so incorporating him into treatment would be beneficial for them both.

Source: choosingtherapy.com

Causes of Sexual Anxiety

There are several causes of sexual anxiety, which differ from person to person and at different stages of sexual encounters. The several factors of sex worries are, but not limited to; relationship factors, power struggles, fears, mood disorders, and other mental health issues. Cultural or religious factors are also culprits of sex-induced anxiety, especially for women. Other causes can be body image issues, comparison between real life and media, low sex drive, among other factors. 

Tips to Overcoming Sexual Anxiety

Sexual worries, more often than not are just that, worries. Here’s how you can work your way out of the situation. 

• Intrapersonal Communication: This means communication with self. “Awareness is the beginning of all change.” Karla Helbert said. The first step is realizing and acknowledging the problem and the need to change the status quo. 

• Interpersonal Communication: Having ‘the talk’ with your partner(s) may feel like an uphill task, but that is the one sure way to acknowledge the elephant in the room. In this article, I help you navigate ways to talk about sex with your partner(s). 

• Mindfulness Practice: This includes acts such as setting intentions, setting up the mood, being present in the moment, etc.

• Mutual Masturbation: When partners watch each other masturbate, it’s a great way to see what the other likes physically. You get to show your partner what feels amazing for your body. This way, they know what to do to get you pleasured and vice versa.

• Stop Seekin Perfection: You’re not a porn star, neither are you acting porn. Real life sex is all things except what the media makes of it. So get real and allow yourself experience real time pleasure.

Sumarily

Sex should be a fun and enjoyable experience for everyone. However, sexual performance anxiety can really put a damper on sexual pleasure and intimacy. Remember, almost everyone will experience sexual performance anxiety at one point. What is important is how you go about the feeling.

* Omo Iya mi, ma fo – Yoruba street lingo for I’ve got your back, fam.

We are a sex positive community. If any of our articles on here appeal to you, there’s more. Let’s connect us on Instagram & Medium

The post Sexual Anxiety Exists  -  A Guide to Easing Sexual Anxiety. appeared first on Rededit Magazine.

Whenever I tell people I’m a sex educator, more often than not, they light up & ask: “ so you teach people how to fuck?” I, on the contrary, reply with an awkward smile on my face: “er, not exactly?” Almost immediately, I see that face go from light up to different phases of confusion, with the question: “so what do you do?” I answer; “teach people about sex.” Well, as you can imagine, that leaves them even more confused as I’m sure you are right now. So, let’s talk about sex!

Talking about sex more and openly helps relationships to be more fun & satisfying. In many people’s reality, it’s not as easy to just talk about sex, openly or otherwise because of our hush culture.
Here’s a tip: It can be hard to talk to partner(s) about sex, especially if you have never had that conversation. Be as straightforward, confident, and honest as you can be. And watch the heavens open in Beyoncé’s voice.

Sounds easy right? Yeah, but only in theory for many. The real-life situation is far from this, let’s fix that, shall we! The truth is being sexually liberated doesn’t happen overnight, it takes conscious efforts and practice to hack. I’ll highlight a few ways to make this a walk in the park for you and yours.

Let’s start with ‘The How?’

To eradicate the awkwardness, consider speaking empathically and compassionately. In a new relationship, it’s safest to be open about your sexual desires from the get-go. This creates a comfortable and safe space to open up to one another. That way, talking about your interests, desires & fantasies is easy.

However, it can be more challenging in a long(term) relationship. Especially ones where the talk is barely ever had or when exploring new territories like kinks or fantasies. The key is to be as empathetic as possible, regardless of how well versed you are or get at it. It’s important to remember that your partner(s) may not find it as easy. To this end, I implore you to give your partner(s) grace to or hold space for them while they try to find and/or explore their sexuality. Or while y’all are working on the dynamics of your relationship.

Whatever the status of the relationship, when bringing up your sexual needs with partner(s). You want them to listen, not to pull back or counterattack. So instead of focusing on what wasn’t done, communicate what you want. For context, tell your partner(s) about how playing with your balls heightens sexual pleasure and can get you to climax faster. Instead of saying they didn’t explore your body enough to get you to climax. Focus the conversation forward instead of dwelling on what didn’t work in the past.

Now that we know how to get started, let’s move to ‘The When?’ 

The timing for talking about sex is very important, so handle it as such. The talk is definitely not happening when you’re pissed. No negative feedback immediately after sex. Do not bring it up when your friends are around (yeah yeah roll your eyes all you want, I said what I said). 

The lube to a seamlessly working relationship is communication, among other factors. When it comes to sex talk, you need to lube (read: talk) things through. A sure way to do that is to make it a date. Life keeps happening so just like you schedule meetings, mark your calendars for the occasion and talk things forward. Depending on your comfort level, this date can be planned in several ways. 

Here are some tips: 

Make it fun: Because you picked a day and time to talk about your sex life doesn’t equate to boring. So, make it worth your while by incorporating some games, feeling free to talk, meeting up in exciting spots, etc.

Pre-planned activities: It’s not uncommon to feel shy or nervous when about the talk. A way to ease tension can be to let each other know beforehand, the talking points. Another way may be to have this conversation through games ( card games, sex checklist, etc.) Make a hot date out of reading the questions and your answers out loud to each other. You’re guaranteed fun and giggles while learning lots about both yourself and each other!

Summarily, when it comes to talking about sex, it is best to communicate honestly, empathically, and compassionately. Not only will this refresh your relationship. It allows for understanding and making your connection a free and safe space to thrive. A win-win!

Go on and have you a smooth sailing relationship.

If this piece was of any help, leave a comment and share it with your loved ones.

RELATED: There’s More to Sexual Health Than STI Prevention

The post Let’s Talk About Talking About Sex appeared first on Rededit Magazine.

An immeasurable aspect of our health can be affected by our sexual health. According to the American Sexual Health Association sexual health is “the ability to embrace and enjoy our sexuality throughout our lives. ” This shows that sexual health is a valuable part of life.

World over, sex, sexuality and conversations around sexual health is still a taboo subject in many cultures. However, for us to thrive as humans, our sexual wellbeing is just as important as physical, mental, emotional, and social wellbeing. In addition, love, affection, and sexual intimacy contribute to healthy relationships and individual well-being.

Below are ways that can help navigate what being sexually healthy means:

• Being able to enjoy a healthier body, satisfying sexual life, positive relationships, and peace of mind.
• Understanding that sexuality is a natural part of life and involves more than sexual behavior.
• Recognizing and respecting the sexual rights we all share.
• Having access to sexual health information, education, and care.
• Making an effort to prevent unintended pregnancies and STIs.
• Seeking care and treatment when needed.
• Being able to experience sexual pleasure, satisfaction, and intimacy when desired.
• Being able to communicate about sexual health with others including sexual partners and healthcare providers.

Towards Better Sexual Health

We have come to terms with the fact that sexuality is an integral part of being human. But along with the positive aspects of our human sexuality, there also are illnesses, mixed emotions and unintended consequences that can affect our sexual health. An open discussion of sexuality issues is important to promoting sexual health and responsibility. Below are action steps to ensuring better sexual wellness;

Value yourself and decide what’s right for you: While sex is a natural part of life, the decision of if and when you have sex is solely yours. It is important that the decision aligns with what you want in life, including personal goals, desires, and boundaries. All of which may change depending on your stage in life, being fully aware of your desires, and true to yourself will help you navigate the different stages.

Know your body and protect it: Understand your own body and its functions. Don’t be afraid to explore ways you can express yourself sexually. Always, practice safe sex to protect against STIs/STDs and unintended pregnancies.

Build positive relationships: Having open and honest conversations about your relationship, desires, and sexual health will help you and your partner(s) build respect for one another, as well as make decisions together. Discuss any health problems openly and you should feel comfortable seeking medical care if need be. If you find yourself with violent partner(s) or who pressure you into things you aren’t comfortable with, seek help from your healthcare provider or a community organization right away.

Treat your partners well and expect them to treat you well: Be with someone or people who make you feel good about yourself, as well as comfortable and safe. Any boundaries should be respected, and no one should feel pressured or forced into doing something they aren’t comfortable with.

Adopt sexual healthcare routine: Start with a provider who is respectful and makes you feel comfortable, as it will allow you to feel more at ease having otherwise difficult conversations. You should be able to discuss any questions or concerns you may have regarding your sexual health, including performance and function.

We are a sex positive community. If any of our articles on here appeal to you, there’s more. Let’s connect us on Instagram & Medium

_{Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article intend to inform and induce conversation. They are the views of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of Red Edit Magazine, and are for informational purposes only, even if and to the extent that this article features the advice of physicians and medical practitioners. This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice.}

The post There’s More to Sexual Health Than STI Prevention appeared first on Rededit Magazine.